Summer

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There are a lot of times when I want to know God’s plan for my life.  Okay, actually all the time.  I desperately long to see what’s next because I think if I know it, I can control it.

I found myself questioning God’s plan too often this summer.  I went through a rollercoaster of emotions with feelings of pain and relief, heartbreak and happiness, sadness and joy (if you know how Enneagram type 6’s are, you can totally guess that I am one haha).  The one constant in my life was the unwavering hand of God, reminding me of His promises for good.  And looking back on my summer, His promised good really did come.

I grew the past three months in so many ways.  I entered May as a girl full of deep anxiety, worry and confusion.  It’s August, and I’m leaving knowing the sovereignty of God and how He beautifully orchestrates the mess in our lives to fit into His purpose.  I fully believe He takes our brokenness and uses it for His good.

My summer started at the beginning of May as I moved out of my apartment and back to Plant City.  I had planned in my head what I wanted my summer to look like and fully expected it to go that way.  God really has a way of taking our plans and throwing it out the window sometimes… in the best kind of way, of course.  I began noticing some things that really needed to change.  Some of these were small changes, like trying to get off my ~slight~ obsession with Crystal Light Caffeine packets.  Others were changes that would make my life drastically different.  I started by making changes to my routine, health, perspectives and relationships.  If you know me, you know that there is absolutely nothing I hate more in this world than change.  I’m a huge fan of routine, and there’s no way of getting me out of one!  I knew these changes would be hard.  Some were extremely painful and heartbreaking for me.  However, these were things I had prayed hard about and knew I needed to do.  Obedience isn’t easy, especially when you can’t see what will happen next.

This is when I start panicking and thinking I need to see God’s plan.  Kinda like how you start a TV show and just want to fast forward to the end of the series so you know what happens.   My anxiety worsens, my insecurities deepen, and I start wondering if I even made the right decisions.  If it’s the right thing to do, why does it hurt so much? Why do I have to go through this?  There’s a big temptation in my stubborn heart to ignore what I know is the right thing to do. That’s when God steps in. 

By the end of this summer, I came to the realization that I don’t want to know His plan.  Not because it isn’t good- because it is.  I don’t want to know it, because if I could see it, I would see all the hard stuff I have to go through.  And if I could see those things, I’m sure any one of us would be ready to ditch and run the other way.  But in doing that, I would never learn what I need to and see what God’s been needing to show me.  That means I would miss the divine appointment He has for me to obey Him and lead me into the purpose He has for me. 

The changes that seemed so hard in the moment, actually taught me the most valuable lessons and drew my heart closer to Jesus.  This was a summer I was able to grow more than I ever have, and I am so grateful for that. 

In between fun vacations and spontaneous adventures, I learned a few things:

• I am strong.  I am capable.  I am growing.  Only surround yourself with people who encourage and celebrate that.  Know your worth.
• Be thankful for how God works in your life and who He places there to help you through it.  God really showed me the blessing of community this summer.  Let people know you’re thankful for them.
• Be still so you can hear what God has to say through His Word and those around you.  Waiting seasons can be so good and refreshing when we aren’t so rushed to get to the next place!
• God has to take me through the process of unexpected change to get me where He needs me so I can be used for His purpose.  It might not seem good at the time, but the heartbreaking change will be a BLESSING!

I am so thankful for these three months.  In the middle of unexpected circumstances, I found complete peace and joy in my heart.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t have hard moments.  It means God really showed me the power of who He is and His sovereignty over my life.  I grew in more ways than I thought possible.  I am super excited to see the new ways He will continue to grow me this next semester!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5

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