How to be a better friend and why friendships are important

We often take for granted the value of relationships until we find ourselves in a situation needing them most. It’s in these trying times of desperation and isolation that we realize the gift of living in community with others.

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I hopped into the passenger side and stared out the window as my best friend started the car and backed out of the driveway. We started on the one-hour drive to St. Pete Beach for a dinner of chicken nuggets (yes, Chick-fil-a is what most of my meals consist of) and to watch the sunset. It was a Tuesday night, but days of the week don’t matter during the summer months.

The week leading up to this had been tough. I felt physically weak, emotionally exhausted and mentally drained. I had been hit by a wave of traumatizing events that all led to a grand finale earlier that week. It was a lot to balance, and some days it felt like I couldn’t even find a beam to balance on.

We crossed the bridge to the sandy shore, and I snapped a picture as we dug our toes into the sand. The sun turned the sky shades of gold, then faded to orange and settled on a peachy color before sinking below the horizon. Colors splashed across the sky as the silhouette of our figures danced on the sand around us.

The picture I took of us quickly became my favorite- not because of the angle I held the camera at or the way the golden hour glow paints a light of color across our face. It isn’t because I felt the weight of everything I had been carrying from the previous week magically lift and go away. The hurt and confusion from the past week still nestled its way close to my heart and threatened to linger for a while.

As we sat on the beach, my friend quietly listened as I worked through the feelings I was wrestling with. I had talked with my family about some of the situation, but no one really knew how bad it had been, much less that I was even going through anything. Most still don’t know.

I’m sure she could have easily pointed out many “I told you so’s” or questioned why I stayed in the situation longer than I should have.

I’m sure she could have offered solutions to the pain I was experiencing. She could have promised me all of this would go away, and I would get the healing I craved. She even could have assured me I would feel back to normal in a few weeks and this would all blow over.

But she didn’t do any of that. She sat and listened, the sound of waves crashing on the beach filled some of the silence that came when my mind drifted to other places, deep in thought.

What I love and appreciate so much about her response was the way she didn’t try to fix me or offer any solutions to how I was feeling. She simply showed up, sat beside me and listened. Nothing else. When she finally did speak, her words were not an attempt to discount my feelings or what I was going through- it was sympathy and encouragement.

“Ashtyn, I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but this is your story. You don’t need to run from it or hide it from other people. It’s YOUR story to share.”

I didn’t feel the need to offer explanations or excuses. I didn’t feel the need to cover up anything. I didn’t feel like I needed to tell everyone I was fine when I really wasn’t. I felt free. It was my story, and no one could take it away from me. She was basically telling me to own what I was going through instead of running or hiding from it.

Those words offered more healing to my soul than any quick fix or temporary solution she could have offered in their place. Her words gave hope and encouragement that I could be strong in owning what I was going through during a time I was feeling anything but strong.

THAT’S why this picture is my favorite. The smiles are evidence of the joy that comes from a friendship that stands by you in the good moments and stays by you in the weak moments. This picture reminds me of what it looks like to have a genuine friendship that encourages you through the hard times and cheers you on in the good times.

The picture is a reminder of the beautiful gift we find in community and why relationships are so valuable. We were never created to be alone, even when we most feel like we should be. We were created for community and close relationships with others, and it’s a beautiful thing when we experience that in our own lives!

We see the first example of this at the beginning of creation with Adam and Eve. God created Adam AND Eve. He didn’t create a second person just because He thought it would be fun. He created Eve because “It is not good that man should be alone; I (God) will make a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). Adam needed Eve to walk beside him in life because he could not depend on himself. He needed a helper because he couldn’t handle everything on his own.

God specifically places other people in our lives, but it’s not all fun and easy. Other people are going to hurt our feelings. They are going to make us upset and do things we don’t agree with. The trials we help each other get through might even be exhausting at times. There are going to be moments of deep vulnerability that’s scary and uncomfortable because we don’t want to let other people know we have struggles.

However, these are the things that make community what it is- people caring for other people and simply loving the person in front of them. We are called to love others, walk with others and point others to the cross.

Not only do we need to surround ourselves with friends who walk with us, but we need to BE that friend who walks with others. It’s not a one-way grab and take. A relationship is about TWO people walking with each other in the fun and holding each other up when we’re too weak to hold ourselves.

Let this be a reminder that to have true friends, we need to be true friends.

Be the friend who sits on the beach and quietly listens. Be the friends who encourages instead of discourages. Be the friend who offers words of healing instead of words of destruction. Be a Jourdain. Don’t take the relationships God has specifically placed in your life for granted. Love your community and love them well.