You Don’t Need to Have It Together
I grew up with people rarely coming over to the house.
Picking up the mess in the midst of busy schedules was a hard feat to tackle. Our small home became a target that took a hit during the week with my two actively involved teens and two parents running them from after-school tutoring to performance practices. Clothes were thrown on the table as a last-minute wardrobe change on the way out and shoes piled up near the back door as we came home in an exhausted state. In our laid-back way of life, the mess would be left to pick up the next day… or three.
However, there was one night each year when we had people over. Our family came over for Easter, and our home would make its welcoming debut for the year. We spent days leading up to the party scrubbing and cleaning to make sure every baseboard was touched, and every corner dusted. It was a stressful dash to the finish line, overwhelmed with piles from cleaning the inside of a closet no one would look at, and many tears after finding my glitter nail polish inside the dirty toilet once again, thanks to my younger sister who thought she was helping.
As I get older, I understand my mom’s unwavering commitment to prepare every inch of our house before welcoming someone inside. Opening the doors is a vulnerable space, allowing others to get a closer look inside – our habits, our messes, our socks we leave behind in the bathroom, and the soap dripping down the shower walls. It is easy to look put together, but inviting someone into our home gives increased exposure for others to see that we are not, in fact, put together. It is easier to leave our doors closed when we know others do not have many opportunities to find our dirty laundry laying around.
1. Dirty laundry is ok.
Expectation is a dangerous motive for perfection. And we will always fall short of our expectation. When we feel the need to have our life together, we miss the opportunity to connect and experience life with others.
It is easy to think that if we mask our mess with lit candles and stuffed closets, maybe it will be a little easier to look past the mess. The things we are trying to hide are camouflaged in the wallpaper of our dimly lit home, and the dim lights make it a little harder to see inside. But a dimly lit space isn’t inviting others in. It’s creating a mask to hide what’s inside.
People are not looking for a space that’s clean or perfectly aesthetic. They might think it’s cool at first; but ultimately, people want to be known. Our basic desires point to our need to know and be known. Inviting others into our life is more memorable than a clean home will ever be.
Sometimes, our home reflects our mental mess, and the laundry piles high. That’s ok – invite others in. The right people will help you sort through it. We are created to be in community with others who we really see and for those people to really see us.
Jesus, let the mess in my life be an example of your merciful grace throughout my life.
2. Is your open door really open?
There’s a difference between opening the door and welcoming others inside. Life is messy, and it’s crucial that we let others in even when it’s messy.
As life gets faster and hours in the day seem shorter, an increased pressure to perform lingers. Do I enough food in the pantry; did I choose the right sides for dinner; is there enough to do if we run out of conversation? When we concentrate on the questions and scenarios, we are simply opening our homes – not creating a welcoming environment.
When our environment invites others to a welcoming table, we create a connection of vulnerability that tells others we aren’t perfect, and we don’t expect them to be. Our homes don’t need to be perfect to make an impact, they just need to invite others in.
3. God invites us in – mess and all.
I often approach God like I prepare my home. I clean my own messes and think I need to have it perfect. I come to Him with my praises, knowing He is good, and I quickly submit my pleas and my plans, “trusting” Him to fulfill His plan for my life. But if I’m being honest, sometimes that “trust” isn’t coming from a vulnerable place. It’s coming from a fear that if I don’t have it all together, meaning, if I don’t act the right way or say the right thing, maybe I will make more of a mess. And then I’ll be rejected from entering His Home.
What a humbling reality when we find ourselves at the feet of Jesus, knowing we are invited into His Kingdom in our mess. What a beautiful reality when we find that He doesn’t just invite us in our mess, He cleans our mess and makes us new.
Jesus Christ came so that we no longer need to be perfect, we just need to turn our life to Him. He makes all messes new. We cannot live freely if we continue to mask our mess with cookie-cutter decor and spotless counters. To be known is to know love. To love is to know God. To experience both is to know God’s good design for His creation.
We can invite people into our homes without having it all together. Likewise, we can invite God into the messy details of our life. He cares about the little things, and He loves us enough to leave us better than we were – broken to new, messy to clean.
