Handling the feeling of defeat

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I woke up with a sense of urgency and panic.  I called my mom (as any stressed-out college student does), and I explained to her for the next two hours what was going through my mind.

It had been a long week of running to meetings, going to classes, finishing assignments, and taking exams.  I had planned just enough time in each day to breathe- but I better look at the calendar to make sure I do it at the scheduled time.  Instead of celebrating the things I had accomplished, I compared the list of things I had finished to the growing list of things I still needed to do.

I was bothered and defeated with no good evidence to support my reasoning for feeling this way.

As I sat there overthinking, I criticized every decision I had made or failed to make.  When we’re overthinking, sometimes we say things like: If only I was smarter, I could’ve done better.  If only I was more qualified, I could’ve pleased more people.  If only I didn’t mess up all the time, I could be more capable of handling things.  If only I wasn’t such a failure, I would be able to perform better, do better and be better. 

If only, if only, if only.  I listed out my “if only” ’s, believing every one of them to be true in that moment. 

Our enemy has a way of disguising what we feel our worth to be with the things we feel most weak in.  It was too easy to listen to the voice filling me with doubts, rather than the voice telling me truths.

The moments God is working most to declare victory in our lives, are the moments the enemy is working most to bring defeat in our lives.

The enemy cornered me right where he wanted me.  He wanted me to doubt everything I had done.  He wanted me to question myself.  Why?

That morning, I was preparing to be a leader for middle and high school girls at a youth retreat. It’s a weekend where almost 200 students come to hear the Gospel preached as they worship, learn and eat a lot of junk food to make up for their lack of sleep.  I had the opportunity to build relationships and tell the group I was leading about how amazing Jesus is and what He’s done. 

God was about to do big things and work in big ways, and Satan knew it. 

He knew that lives were going to be changed and people were going to be saved.  He knew truth was going to be shared and hearts were going to be opened.  He knew that there would be students who finally stopped listening to the voices of doubt in their head and surrendered their life to Jesus.  And the enemy knew exactly how to make me stumble by planting a string of doubt in my own head.

Good news: The enemy can’t win because God has already won.

Our enemy knows the things that make us tremble and the thoughts that make us stumble.  He knows the things that make us tick and the things that make us question everything and everyone around us.  He also knows the timing of when to do and say all of these things.  Unfortunately for us, his plans are not for good but for evil.

We serve a God who knows more.

We serve a God who knows the things that make us tremble and the thoughts that make us stumble, and He promises to restore us.  We serve a God who knows the things that makes us tick and the things that make us question everything around us, and He promises we can trust Him.  We serve a God who orchestrates the timing of everything for GOOD. 

Fortunately, His plans are for good not for evil.

“He remembered us in our weakness.  His faithful love endures forever” Psalms 136:23

God uses my weaknesses to show me the unwavering strength I can only find in Him.  In my weaknesses, I recognize I can’t keep doing things on my own.  He makes me strong when I feel weak, and He makes me whole when I feel broken.

Christ takes the broken pieces of our weaknesses, and He makes us stronger when we recognize our need for Him.  He makes us whole.

If I had battled the feelings of defeat alone that morning, I wouldn’t have seen 29 people give their life to Christ; I wouldn’t have been able to encourage students who were searching for change and hungry for truth; and I wouldn’t have been able to see God work in my own life. 

We are all broken people who need rescuing from our defeat.  Our rescuer is the one who gave us life itself.  We all need His strength.  We all need His strength to be whole.

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