What is Truth? What is God’s Truth?
I didn’t want to face it. I was terrified. So badly, in fact, I took to shoveling spoonfuls of Oreo cookie dough into my mouth as a way to cope with the silent panic. I fought to escape the reality of it as much as I could, burying my thoughts and sweeping them under the rug of things “I don’t feel like dealing with today.” I keep a lot under that rug.
Making a decision is easy. Making the right decision is hard. I knew what decision I needed to make, but I felt less than qualified to accomplish what was required. It was a week of feeling inadequate, unworthy and overwhelmed, a week of telling myself I was less than capable. I guess that’s not an entirely unknown conversation I have with myself.
Running from the decision made me exempt from the weight of making the decision; at least, that is the fantasy I painted in my head. If I didn’t want to deal with it, I shouldn’t have to.
If I shouldn’t have to, then I don’t need to, right? I shoved more and more under my rug.
I soon came to find out that no matter how much shoving and cramming you do, eventually, that space under the rug is going to be full, and I will be overwhelmed. I also realized that no matter how much space you have to store things under that rug, it doesn’t cancel the problem or make it go away; it just makes you feel better for about 5 minutes. Shoving my problems under the rug eventually resulted in a downward spiral that led to a mini mid-life crisis (ask any 21-year-old, it’s a real thing, LOL), and my arm was tired of shoving.
I wrestled between the battle of two truths- my subjective truth and absolute truth. We often like to think we would recognize the latter, but we are too quickly prone to believe what the subjective “truth” tells us.
The subjective truth is a “truth” based on biased opinions and our emotional rollercoasters. It’s based on our experiences, past, and ways we see the world. The absolute truth is, well, truth. It’s absolutely true. It’s factual and honest with no temporary feelings or changing emotions attached. It’s solid, steady and dependable.
As I wrestled through which truth I would stand on, I came across a few passages that revealed more and more which one I needed to choose.
Moses, an 80-year-old Hebrew, was one of the least likely people to be used. He was left at birth and found by the daughter of Pharaoh, floating down the Nile River. Prestige and privilege followed Moses as he lived under the house of Pharaoh, and he never knew the harsh realities of slavery the Hebrew people, his people, faced.
One day, as Moses was walking outside, he saw the brutality and mistreatment the enslaved people were facing. He struck down the Egyptian, killing him immediately. The Hebrew was safe, but the Egyptian was dead, and Pharoah (his father) did not like it. So, Moses left all he knew- the prestige, privilege and comfort- to escape from a father who wanted to murder him.
Midian was his place of rest from running. Moses settled down, got married, and continued living his life with a life of no real significance other than tending to his father-in-law’s flock for 40 years.
I imagine Moses felt some type of shame and guilt, incapable of accomplishing anything more. I imagine he questioned his worth and his abilities. If only he hadn’t killed the Egyptian; if only he could have stayed in Egypt; if only he hadn’t fled to Midian; if only he hadn’t messed up everything for his life.
God has a way of taking our limitations and using our inabilities for His good.
Subjective truth would have told Moses that his past mistakes and inabilities disqualified him. Absolute truth told him that he could lead the people right where God promised in God’s strength alone.
God significantly used Moses despite his running away from his problems. He used Moses to lead the Hebrew people out of slavery and into the Promise Land God had prepared for them.
Moses chose absolute truth when he trusted God. He led the people out of slavery and into the Promised Land, and the story continues to be something preached about today.
I also read the story about Esther. Esther was a 14-year-old girl who became the queen of Egypt. She had everything from diamonds and riches to beauty and looks, everything except empty space under her rug. She shoveled her identity and her calling under the rug when her husband, the king, ordered the murder of all Jews, and Esther failed to communicate that she was a Jew.
But she didn’t let fear win.
She had a decision: listen to “common sense” and remain silent in her comfortable corner of complacency, or she could boldly speak out to save her people, God’s people.
Scripture says, “and who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14). For such a time as this.
Even when we feel the least likely to be used, we are created for such a time as this.
Subjective truth would have told Esther all the reasons she wasn’t capable of approaching the king- she was a woman, she was not summoned, she could be misunderstood, she could die. Absolute truth told her God’s Kingdom was more important than her complacency and insecurities. Absolute truth told her that even though she felt unheard, she had a voice, and that voice would save thousands.
God creates us to serve unique purposes we are not able to fulfill in our strength.
Esther chose absolute truth when she trusted God to give her strength to approach the king. Because of that, she approached the king with boldness, and an entire people group was saved.
Lastly, I read the story of Joseph. Joseph was about 17 years old when his brothers sold him into slavery. He was unwanted and undesired by members of his own family, and his life would now forever be devoted to having no voice and following other people’s commands.
Or so he thought.
Pharoah approached him about a dream while he was in prison, and Joseph’s answer was simple yet true. He said, “It is beyond my power to do this, but God can tell you what it means and set you at ease” (Genesis 41:16). Joseph humbly recognized it was not his talent to interpret the dream of Pharaoh; instead, it was God working through him.
Subjective truth would have told Joseph he was unwanted, undesired and unheard. Listening to his feelings would have told him he would never amount to anything but a slave.
But God had bigger plans.
Joseph chose absolute truth when he recognized God’s hand in every situation, trusting God to deliver him even when it seemed impossible. Because of this, Joseph later became the second most powerful man in Egypt.
God used all three of these people (and so many others throughout His Word) to tell a story, HIS story. Moses, Esther and Joseph were all the least likely to be used, yet God purposed them to complete His mission.
They knew their truth.
They knew God’s truth.
What truth are we going to choose? Degrading, unhealthy insecurities that eat away our confidence because we only see what we feel now? Or are we going to listen to a holy God who created us with a specific purpose in mind and who can see the big picture despite how we feel?
I know which one I want to choose.
As of the decision I kept shoveling under my rug because I felt unqualified, I faced it head-on. I still struggled with feeling unworthy and unable, but I knew that wasn’t the real truth.
I needed to focus on God’s absolute truth.
God uses broken people for His Kingdom- even unprepared and unqualified people like me. The only decision I need to worry about making is if I’m going to choose to stand grounded in that truth.
