How Do We Find Satisfaction In Christ Alone?
I can’t help but think.
I can’t help but think back to a year ago. Wheels turning as the sound of leaves crunching echoed down a quiet road, a stillness seeming to radiate like the heat waves coming off the one-lane asphalt road.
Bike riding was a way of relief from the very uncertain, yet very mundane, routine of life. I rode my bike every day last March as a way of escaping the mandatory lock-down of entrapment, otherwise known as quarantine. In case you couldn’t tell, I wasn’t very fond of it.
For a few hours, I could find a way to escape the anxiety I had been searching to let go of, an escape from the entrapment of uncertainty I felt locked into. But when I stopped pedaling, my bike quit going. And somehow, the anxiety always found its way back.
I can’t help but think back to two years ago. Feet pounding against the cracked cement sidewalk as I sprinted my way through the University of Florida’s campus. My legs shook, my breaths were frantic and my lungs gasped for air. The tennis shoes I wore were starting to give out from the overuse they had been through, and my body was struggling not to do the same.
Slight colors of orange and yellow poked through the clouds above, shedding light on the sweat droplets settling on my face. The absence of a line outside Starbucks was a reminder that most people were not out of bed yet. They were still sleeping peacefully in the comforts of their bed. The campus was exempt from its usual traffic, and at that moment, I felt exempt from facing reality.
Running was a way of relief from the emotionally exhausting weeks I was going through at that time in my life. I ran miles every day for months in an attempt to run away from my problems and the trauma I experienced as a result.
For a few hours, I could find a way to relieve myself of the pain I had been searching to let go of, a relief from the stress I felt knocked down by. But when my legs started buckling, I quit running. And somehow, the pain always found its way back.
I can’t help but think back to a few more years ago. Eighth grade. Stomach growling and food wasted. I wasn’t eating, and it made me feel in control when life felt very much out of control.
Not eating was a way to deal with an overly busy schedule of school and extracurriculars. It was a way to claim order over a life that felt out of order. I lacked healthy nutrition for two years, and continued to struggle for years after.
For a few years, I could find a way to cope with an all-too busy calendar and low self-esteem, a way to claim order and authority. But when the food stopped nourishing, I stopped functioning. And somehow, the want for order in the midst of chaos always found its way back.
I can’t help but think about the times I searched for a way to deal with these problems and pain, searching for answers and never finding solutions.
A temporary relief never heals a real problem.
Disappointment crushed me every time I attempted to solve the problem. I pedaled harder but my bike always led me back home- back in lock-down. I ran more miles but got up to run the same path the next day. I ate less food but continued to find that anything I did was never good enough.
I ended in the same place I started in, never healing, never fully better.
I was trying to escape a vicious cycle that came with a vicious realization of reality: I still wasn’t happy, satisfied or relieved. The problems were still there, and so was the unsettling disappointment.
The relief was temporary because I attempted to solve my problems without God, not with Him.
I can’t help but think about how these situations could have been avoided had I known then what I know now. I cannot run AWAY from my God who is the only One who can bring lasting relief to a temporary problem. I need to run TO Him.
When we try to escape our problems without God, we miss what He’s trying to do in us and what He’s trying to do through us. We find ways to run away from our problems and our pain, rather than walking into the battle head-on, with the God who wins all because He is all.
I can’t attempt to fill a position only God was created to fill. He is the ultimate Creator, Healer, Refuge and Redeemer. If I fail to turn to Him on my best days, I’m going to struggle to turn to Him on the days or months I feel defeated.
It wasn’t until I sought Jesus that I did more than escape; I was able to celebrate those moments because I knew God was fighting for my good, and He already won the battle for me. I just needed to step away from my control and step into His control. He can take every part of our story- even the painful and very difficult ones- to turn them into stories of deliverance.
The realities I did not want to invite Him into are the very realities God used and repurposed to draw me closer to Him. God is the only One who can truly alleviate our grueling chapters filled with grueling pain.
We can’t pedal past, run from or grasp control of the very parts of life God is using to write our story.
Don’t run. Don’t settle for temporary relief when you can experience eternal healing- healing only found through Him.
