Trusting Through the Unknown Seasons

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I’m getting ready to turn the pages of a chapter I’m familiar with to a chapter that hasn’t been written.  It’s unknown, and while that would usually terrify me, I’m learning the power in trust.

Trust.

It’s a simple word with a simple intention, but a complicated action with an unpredictable outcome.  To trust is to risk giving up what we think should happen for hope that good can still result from even the most unknown circumstances.

The unpredictable outcome, well, that’s sometimes the scariest part of all.  I often find it’s well worth the risk.

As I get ready to graduate college in December, “I don’t know” is a phrase I hear myself saying a lot lately; though, I don’t particularly like this answer.  The statement is uncertain and unreliable- it feels untrustworthy.

I want to know what I’ll be doing, what my life will look like, and what steps I need to take to get there.  Right now, “I don’t know” has been the answer to every one of those questions.

I’m slowly learning to accept that.

I’m turning the pages on a chapter with a scheduled routine to a schedule that looks pretty blank at the moment.  I’ll be taking on a new era of responsibilities that I don’t exactly know how to navigate.  Until this point, my hardest decision every week is figuring out if I’m going to pick up Chick-fil-A or Chipotle for dinner.  Even then (who am I kidding?) I know, without a doubt, I’m always going to pick Chick-fil-A. 

I’m turning the pages full of beautiful words and stories with an ending I know to be good to pages of white space that’s empty with an ending I don’t know will be okay.  The white space is just another way of saying, “I don’t know what to write here,” which I don’t like very much.

As I sat in my room on Saturday morning, the weight of all these things consumed me.  Cue the panic attack.  So, I did the responsible, mature, independent thing that every college student who’s about to take on responsibilities does:  I called my mom.

The conversation started with, “I don’t think I can do this.  I’m not qualified for this.  I know I don’t need to have it all figured out now, but I actually kind of do, and I’m terrified.”

I was quite frustrated, to say the least.  I was frustrated because I had been praying every day for wisdom and discernment, and God wasn’t providing immediate answers in the convenient way I wanted.

I was frustrated because I asked God to easily open the doors that need to be opened so I can walk through them, but I didn’t see any doors.  Maybe I was in the wrong hallway?  I felt like God wasn’t hearing me, He wasn’t paying attention to me, and I was stranded alone in anxious thoughts.

I continued rambling my list of worries into the phone.  After a few minutes of ranting, my mom stopped me.

I’m not supposed to know everything now.  I just need to take one step at a time.

I was craving the big picture plan, but God only needs to show me a little piece.  I have to trust that.  When I am overwhelmed with my plans, God calls me to be obedient in trusting the small details of His plans.  I’m just called to take one step of faith at a time. I need to trust that those steps will lead to His big picture plan.

Trust.  It’s a simple word, but a difficult action.

There are three things we begin to question when we find ourselves struggling to trust:

1. The situation- The “what if” questions appear.  What if I don’t take the right steps?  What if I mess up?  What if I don’t like where I’m going?
2. Ourselves- We doubt ourselves and believe a lot of lies our insecurities tell us.  “Am I good enough?”  “Maybe I’m doing everything wrong.”  These are the dangerous questions faulty trust can lead to.
3. God- When we don’t get answers the way we want or in the time we want, it’s frustrating.  We ask questions like, “Do you hear me,” “Did you forget about me,” “Why aren’t you listening?”  Our hearts begin to sink, and our mind begins to believe there’s no hope because we can’t see the result.

When we go through these questions and get to the last one where we question God, it’s there we need to realize that we’re asking the wrong questions.  The real question is: “What can I do to trust more faithfully?”

It’s not in what we can do but in what He can do.

I’m learning trust, like many other things, is shown through action.  We can say we trust all day long, but what good does that do?  It sounds nice on paper, but it’s not a satisfactory answer.

To trust is to risk giving up what we think should happen to surrender to a God who knows what will happen according to His good plan. 

To trust more faithfully in this season (for me) means holding myself accountable to actively seek out opportunities and advice.  It means to actively prepare by putting in the work to research where I want to go and what I want to do.  It means to actively pray that God changes our hearts to look more like His and that our hearts desire the things He desires for us.

When we take action to trust, there will be active results.  God reveals Himself to us in little ways when we seek Him.

If you’re wrestling through a chapter of uncertainty, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” You just need to take small steps of trust.

Trust in His faithfulness.  Trust in His timing.  Trust He is listening to your prayers even when it feels like they aren’t being answered.  Trust He is working all things for His good- because He is.

I trust, not because I know the outcome but because I know the One who is in control of the outcome.  It’s that fact alone that brings peace to an anxious heart.

The ending of the next chapter may feel unknown because we can’t read it yet, but God is writing it; He knows it’s a really good one.

“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10

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