Meet People Where They Are, Not Where You Think They Need To Be

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Meet others where they are, not where you think they should be.

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I twirled the rose gold chain in my hands as I studied the intricate design carved into the object at the end of it.   The long string of shiny metal led to a key that reflected the lights shining above it.  I clung tight to the key as I nervously fidgeted with the chain around my neck.  Engraved are the words, “Never apologize for being more than they thought you should be.”

The necklace was a gift from my mom one Christmas after I had gone through a tough season- a season of feeling not enough for some people and too much for others. I struggled to navigate the waters that had caused me to doubt myself, and the months of navigating gave way to drowning in insecurity. 

For that time, I accepted the labels others placed on me. 

I was praised when I acted the way they thought I should- “accepted” was my label for the day.  I would later be scolded when my ideas and actions didn’t align with their own– “immature” and “most likely do things wrong” became my label.  My actions were supposed to be the same as someone else thought they should be and deviating always meant a negative label.

I found myself slowly compromising parts of who I was and what I found important to conform to the way someone else wanted me to be.

As a result, I began to take on the identity and weight of those labels.  My desire to be known, acknowledged, and accepted, overshadowed the compromise I was making to myself; and I didn’t even realize it was happening.  I guess, somewhere in those few months, I got lost in the waters I was trying to navigate- I’ve never been very good at directions.

The result was feeling brokenness that wasn’t there before because I was trying to fit the mold I was being forced into.  The pieces weren’t fitting together- I wasn’t fitting together.  I began to see that someone else’s opinion of “not good enough” never sticks well to anyone.  And I definitely wasn’t going to put up with it sticking to me.

I couldn’t keep finding my value in the temporary labels someone gave me.

I see this same brokenness from a man in John 5.  This man didn’t fit society’s expectations.  He wasn’t considered good enough, or tolerable, or even acceptable.  He was sick and physically disabled, which labeled him “invalid.” 

The man had been labeled invalid for 38 years.

“Invalid” is a pretty harsh way to describe a man who couldn’t help that he didn’t look or act like everyone else.  It’s a pretty harsh way to describe a man who wasn’t designed to fit the mold society tried to force him in.

It was around the time of the Feast of the Jews, and Jerusalem was crowded with people visiting.  The pools were a common area to walk through, and it also happened to be where the disabled gathered. 

As person after person walked by, no one bothered to pay attention to or help the “invalid” man crawling on the ground.  Why would they?  He didn’t think like them.  He didn’t look the way most people do.  He didn’t appear to contribute value to society in any way that benefited them. 

He didn’t act the way other people wanted him to, so he was labeled invalid.

I imagine that the label carried a weight heavy with hopelessness, shame, and feeling unworthy of acceptance or being loved.  I imagine, as he crawled on the ground, his insecurities and self-doubt were pretty high.

As Jesus was entering Jerusalem, he entered through the Sheep Gate, which was located by the pools.  He saw this man lying on the ground, and Scripture says Jesus learned the man had been in this condition for 38 years. 

Jesus saw the man where he was, noticed the place he was in, and learned about his condition. He took the time to pay attention to someone different from Him and invest time in helping the man.  This is proof that Jesus sees us and notices us even when we feel like no one else does.

The man who was disregarded and deemed unworthy of being “valid” was approached by Jesus.  He went up to the man and asked, “Do you want to get well?” (verse 6). 

Jesus saw the man where he was, noticed the place he was in, learned he had been in that condition AND asked if he wanted to be well.

The man was no longer seen as hopeless, ignored or unworthy.  Jesus saw the man as uniquely designed by God and worthy of His mercy, love and redemption.

That’s how He sees us too.  And not only is that how He sees us, but that’s how He calls us to see other people.

Do you ever feel like you’re just trying to match the expectations of others and conform to wear the labels they give you?

There are going to be people who try to label you or try to fit you into a mold you aren’t made to fit into.   There are going to be times when you’re expected to act, dress, speak and think a certain way or you’re considered wrong- labeled “invalid.” 

I would like to argue that it’s this societal conformity that ruins and destroys individuality.  We are each uniquely created to use our talents to worship Christ.   Everything we do needs to point to Him so that we live our lives in a way that honors Him.

We cannot allow labels to determine our value or define our worth.  You are uniquely designed, perfectly created and specifically chosen to be placed where you are with a purpose for a purpose.

You are loved even when you don’t act like everyone else.  You are valid even when you feel like you don’t measure up to everyone else. 

You are valued no matter what label anyone tries to put on you. 

I think the most important thing to see in this story of John chapter 5 is that Jesus met the man where he was, but He didn’t leave him that way. 

“Jesus said to him, ‘Get up, take up your bed, and walk.’  And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked,” (verses 8-9).

I’m thankful Jesus continually loves people even when they don’t look and act the same.  I’m thankful He doesn’t leave us the way we are.  He sees the broken, invalid people and chooses to give them a new label.  A label that says, “dearly loved,” “chosen daughter or son,” “significantly valued,” and “unquestionably valid.” 

These are permanent labels that don’t fall off no matter how many times you mess up.  These are labels given to you by your Father, your Redeemer and your Creator.

Never apologize for being more than they thought you should be.  Because Jesus sees who you are, meets you where you are, and loves you.  You are valid.  You are enough.

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I wear that necklace my mom gave me as a reminder now.  I’m happily living without those people’s labels and opinions.  I’m not meant to fit into someone else’s design, I’m meant to purposefully live in God’s design for my life.  It’s intricately detailed and perfectly planned.  Most importantly, I need to remember the same is true for someone else, too. 

Meet people where they are, not where you think they should be.

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