Why Happiness Can’t Depend On a Relationship Status

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I sat on the couch with a group of friends as we discussed our plans for the holiday that’s coming up: Valentine’s Day.  I proudly announced to the group my exciting plans of ordering pizza and watching rom-coms all night in my room.  I was practically bouncing with excitement.  It was quiet for a few seconds; and then one of my friends replied, “Wow.  That’s kind of sad.”  I was a little offended, but honestly I just feel bad for him because who doesn’t think that sounds like fun?!

I started thinking about the holiday that’s marketed with the colors pink and red and is decorated with hearts everywhere to symbolize romantic love.  The T.V. shows we watch, commercials that replay, songs we loop and (I’ll admit it) even my rom-coms sell the idea that caused my friend to comment what he did.  There’s one thing that causes the separation between what my friend sees as sad and alone, and what I see as fun:

The pressure from society that being in a relationship is the only thing that will give us the attention we need and the love we crave.

If I’m being honest, I don’t think the pressures are just from society.  I think they’re pressures we place on ourselves too. 

We can categorize ourselves in one of two ways on Valentine’s Day: 1). You’re in a relationship, or 2). You’re single.

I’ve been in both categories.  Last Valentine’s Day I was in a relationship, and this Valentine’s Day I’m single.  Read between the lines here:  I’m WAY happier watching my rom-coms alone than I was last year.

The reason I’m still perfectly content?  To tell a long story short, there’s one conclusion:

It’s my joy.

I’ve found that whatever season I’m in or the status of a relationship can’t be what my happiness depends on.  My happiness has to come from a place of being fully content with the season I’m placed in.

I’ve found contentment because I know there’s a purpose for it, and I know I’m growing through it.  I’ve found peace because I know God’s writing and directing my ~personal~ rom-com.  I have joy because I know I can’t look to another person to fully satisfy my needs or make me happy.

Let this be a reminder: Your joy cannot be contingent on whether you’re in a relationship or single.

We find we are discontent when we listen to the message that we have to be in a relationship.  We buy into the lie that says it is the only thing that will make us happy.  Two things happen with that: either we remain single and feel unhappy, or we are in a relationship and depend on one person as our ultimate source of happiness.  Neither one is healthy, but I think both are commonly found. 

If we place one person above everything else in our lives, we fail to realize that we will always leave unfulfilled and disappointed.  That person will always fail at the position we put them in because it’s a position only God can fill!

True joy is found in loving Jesus first and others around us.  True joy is found when we find peace with whatever season we are in.

To the single person who is looking for how to find that joy:

We can tell ourselves things like “I need to be married by this age, or I’m a failure;” or “If I’m not in a relationship that means no one likes me, and I’m not valuable;” or even “I’ve had a bad experience with dating, and it made me feel unworthy of the right kind of love.”

We find we are discontent when we listen to the message that tells us that because we are alone, we are lonely; because we are single, we are unwanted; because we aren’t in a relationship, we can’t find ultimate happiness.

All of these thoughts are being spoken from a place of our own insecurities.  It comes from our own pressures and fears that we are too afraid to admit.  It comes from our own expectations that a relationship is the end goal we need to reach to be happy.

To the ones who are in a relationship or single (that’s everyone!):

Valentine’s Day is not a holiday solely dedicated for people who are married or dating.  Valentine’s Day is not a one day romantic production.  It needs to be an everyday display of love for the people around us!

This Valentine’s Day is not meant only for romantic gestures or throwing a pity party, it’s meant to celebrate everyone in your circle of friends, family and other relationships! Let’s spend more time loving other people around us.

Here are a few practical ways to show that love and appreciation for others:

-Put together a small gift for a few widows you may know to show some love to them!

-Buy a set of cards and some chocolate to give to the people who mean the most as an extra way of saying how much they mean to you.

-Bake cookies for your neighbor.

-Treat yourself (loving yourself is important too!)

So, whether you’re happily in love, or as single as you’ll ever be, find joy in the season God’s placed you in- even if that means eating pizza and watching movies alone on Valentine’s Day.

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